Native American Dad
by R98765
Summary: As Steve is working on his history report of Jamestown, Virginia, Stan tells him the Disney movie of Pocahontas to help him on his assignment. However, Stan doesn't really know the true story of Pocahontas that well.
1. Chapter 1

**_Hello, everyone. I decided to make another fanction crossover parody of a Disney animated movie and Seth Macfarlane's animated comedy shows. My first one is the crossover parody of Family Guy and Beauty and the Beast. I do not own Pocahontas or American Dad._**

* * *

Stan enters Steve's room, where Steve is sitting at his desk and working on his laptop. "How's it coming in here, Steve?" Stan asked, checking in on his son in a positive attitude.

"I'm working on a history report about Jamestown, Virginia." Steve replied impassively.

"Ah, America, the greatest country to learn about," remarked Stan. "You know, I'm quite the expert at American history, since I work in the CIA and serve the country better than any other man. Maybe I can be of some help on your history report of Jamestown."

"Oh really?" rebuked Steve with his arms crossed.

"Of course. I'm related to Jamestown's founder, John Smith, since I share the last name as him. That, and I also watched the Disney movie, Pocahontas, so I think I know my history rather well." Stan said. "Back then, Steve, America was once known as the New World, because nobody ever knew the country existed, and there was this one explorer named Columbus who had thought he reached India and decided to name the natives there, Indians, though that's actually another story. Then one day, England decided to settle the New World and establish a colony named after their virgin queen, led by Captain John Smith."

O-O-O-O

The scene cuts to a voyage ship at the port of England, where Englishmen are saying goodbye to their families and couples, as they prepare to board the ship and set sail to the New World.

"Yes, John Smith was a young and brave explorer, and he was just determined to sail the New World so he could feel like a new man, starting a new life there," narrated Stan, as the scene now shows John Smith, played by Stan himself, standing nearby and proudly idolizing the voyage ship from a distance.

As John Smith boards the ship, a young settler played by Steve notices him approaching from behind and is amazed to see him. "Oh, my god! You're John Smith!" the man exclaimed. "My name is Thomas. I've heard so much about you. You're famous!"

"That's right," said John Smith. He then remains silent as he ponders to himself. "…what exactly was I famous for before joining this expedition?"

"Oh. You were a military captain famous for fighting the Ottoman Turks." Thomas replied.

"Yeah, that's totally me."

"Excuse me. May I have your attention, please?" announced the chosen governor of the expedition, John Ratcliffe, played by Avery Bullock. "Men, today we embark on a journey across the seas to discover a new world out there that is filled with all sorts of riches and other surprises awaiting us. I wish ourselves luck in this flamboyant adventure."

Just then, a man along with a small group of tourists holding luggages with them goes up to Ratcliffe. "Excuse me, do you know what time the cruise's activities start?"

"Yeah, and where's the pool and buffet table?" asked his wife.

"Oh, I'm dreadfully sorry. I'm afraid you've confused this ship with the Royal Caribbean Cruise lines that departed two hours ago," replied Ratcliffe. "You are welcome to travel to the New World with us."

"Sure, as long as we get to go sightseeing there." The man said.

"By the way," said Ratcliffe. "This is going to be a long and boring trip, so some of us will probably die from exhaustion before we even get there."

O-O-O-O

The voyage ship later departs and is already sailing out to sea. John Smith is proudly admiring the ocean's scenery, as he is eager to venture to the outside world.

"Hey, Smith, have you ever wondered what the New World will be like?" Thomas asked him.

"Honestly, no." Smith replied. "I've always wanted to discover the lost city of Atlantis ever since I saw that Disney movie about it."

"Like what? The Little Mermaid?"

"No, that other Disney movie about Atlantis."

"Well, what would you have to say about the Indians once we get there?"

"I'd say that they're savages, like any other English man, and kill them if they get in our way." Smith barked. "Although, I do find all the females Indians rather sexy, since they don't wear a lot of clothes."

O-O-O-O

At the New World, native women are collecting crops in a local field and storing them inside wooden baskets. One of the women among them is Pocahontas, played by Francine, who is also collecting crops. Then her friend Nakoma, played by Hayley, approaches her.

"Pocahontas, come quick! Your father has returned!" Nakoma exclaimed.

"Oh my god!" Pocahontas cried as she dropped her basket. "I always knew he'd come back!" She then rushes from the field and to the river bend, where her father, Chief Powhattan, played by Jack Smith, and some native men had returned on boats.

Chief Powhattan has his arms open as he then hugs his daughter. "Oh, father. I knew nothing bad would've happen to you while you were away."

"Well, you know it's our duty to serve and protect our clan from other natives," said Chief Powhattan. "We just can't stand being neighbors with other tribes who happen to be the same race as ours. By the way, there's someone I'd like you to meet."

A native man, played by Rusty Smith, Stan's half-brother, approaches Chief Powhattan and Pocahontas.

"Pocahontas, this is Kocoum, the best warrior a chief could ask for." Chief Powhattan introduced. "I assign him with missions to spy on our enemies and go undercover like James Bond, which is what I did back in my day when I too was an excellent spy myself and not a jewel thief. And here's the best part: you get to marry him and be like every one of those fine ladies James Bond teams up with in his movies."

"I even killed a bear to confess my love to you," Kocoum said as he holds a knife with blood dripping from it, much to Pocahontas' shock.

"Father, I don't want to marry Kocoum," said Pocahontas. "I don't really think he's my type."

"What do you mean he's not your type?" her father snapped at her.

"Well, one thing he killed a bear, and I just so happen to be friends with all sorts of animals like Snow White." Pocahontas explained.

"The male Indians don't treat the animals with care. Why else would they hunt them down? Neither do they have to treat the females with any care either. Men only like to show everyone who's boss." Chief Powhatan implied. "Besides, there has to be a new chief in soon, and I feel like Kocoum is the best bet."

"Come on, chief," said Kocoum. "Let's go someplace else to talk about my wedding plan."

"Yeah, let's not talk about this in front of Pocahontas," agreed the Chief as he disowned his daughter. "I always wanted a son instead of a daughter like her."

As Kocoum and the Chief leave, Pocahontas glares at them. "Okay, now I'm starting to wish he'd never came back and just went MIA."


	2. Chapter 2

Pocahontas arrives at a local pond, where she departs from a boat that she arrived on and approaches a willow tree there.

"Grandmother Willow," Pocahontas says in a stern manner to the tree. "I need to speak with you."

"She's depressed about her life again, isn't she?" uttered Meeko the raccoon, played by Roger, to Flit the Hummingbird, played by Klaus.

An image of an old Chinese woman's face suddenly appears on the upper trunk of the tree after it followed Pocahontas' request. "What's wrong, little girl?"

"Well, you know when I normally see you, it's to talk about the problems in my life that no one else cares to help me out with. And my problem today is that my father is forcing me to marry Kocoum, who just isn't my type."

"Uh, I don't see how Kocoum is your type either," said Grandmother Willow, played by Mama Ling. "Your father was never good with women. He one time forced your mother into marrying him, and she came to me on that very day."

"What did you tell her?"

"I told her to kill herself once you were born."

"Grandmother Willow, I don't know what to do with myself. I don't want to marry Kocoum. It's just not my path, neither is committing suicide."

"Well, it was your mother's." Grandmother Willow then sighs. "Another thing I told her was to listen to the spirits around her, although she didn't take heed to that. Listen, dear child. Listen to the spirits around you."

Pocahontas closes her eyes as she feels the wind blowing before her. "The wind is telling me somthing. It says it sees strange clouds. I'd better go check it out." Pocahontas then climbs up Grandmother Willow's tree along with Flit and Meeko, and they are then stunned to see what is before them. "Oh my god," muttered Pocahontas.

"What do you see up there?" calls Grandmother Willow from below.

"Clouds," bewildered Pocahontas. "Strange clouds."

"You dumb blonde," Meeko snapped. "It's a ship. Terrorists are no doubt here to take over our land. I know it."

"Now, let's not get ahead of ourselves," claims Pocahontas. "We can't assume every outsider is a terrorist. This might be a good experience for us to meet with the outside world. Those people are probably friendly and from a peaceful country, so we might get along just well with them. I'm going to go see them myself."

Flit and Meeko are now left together in the tree as the two give each other a look of disdain.

"I agree with you," says Flit. "They are going to take all of our land away."

O-O-O-O

At the native village, all of the natives are gathered inside a teepee tent, as Chief Powhatan has summoned them to discuss urgent matters involving the arrival of the settlers.

"My brothers, we must learn more about these visitors, whom I call terrorists," announces Chief Powhatan. "And to do that, we will use the sacred cocaine to give us an accurate vision of who we are dealing with."

The shaman, Kekata, played by father Donovan, holds a small plastic bag of cocaine in his hand that he opens up and throws it into the fire causing smoke to arise before everyone's eyes. "These are not men like us, but beasts with bodies that shine like the sun and weapons that spout fire and thunder," foretells Kekata, as the smoke takes the image of a british settler firing his rifle, frightening everyone. "They prowl the earth like ravenous wolves, consuming everthing in their path." Kekata described, as the smoke transforms into a pack of wolves flying around the teepee.

"My god! These kind of terrorists sound worse than Krampus," ranted Chief Powhatan. "What the sacred cocaine is telling us is true and is not killing us this very moment we breathe it in." Just then, however, a native standing next to him collapses to the ground faceward, implying that he is dead.

"Great Powhatan, I will lead our warriors to the river and attack," proclaimed Kocoum. "We will destroy these invaders like we do with all sorts of terrorists."

"Kocoum, while I like your idea of murdering those heartless bastards, we have never faced terrorists like these before. I'll need you to take some men down to the river and spy on them. Let us hope they do not intend to stay."

O-O-O-O

At the shore of the New World, the colonists are standing by Ratcliffe, who is placing a British flag on the ground. "I hereby name claim this land and all of its riches in the name of his majesty, King James the first, and do so name this settlement Jamestown." Ratcliffe announced to the colonists and the tourists present before him, naming the territory they settled in.

"I don't see why we have to name this place after the king," complained one of the colonists.

"Yeah, he never even went with us on this expedition," complained another colonist.

Just then, a blonde female tourist in a pink bikini walks up to a colonist. "Excuse me, could take some photos of me in the New World?" she asked him.

"Sure," the colonist happily complied as he takes her phone and shot photos of her making sexual poses.

"Okay, now while some of us are going to stay here and build our settlement, the rest of us are going to begin our search for gold." Ratcliffe said in a delighted manner.

"Did you hear that, Ben?" asked the settler, Lon, played by Terry Bates. "There's gold in the New World."

"Yeah, that's what we came here for." Ratcliffe said to Lon.

"Once we find it, we'll be able to afford Libby's college education." Ben said, played by Greg Corbin.

"Well, that's if she wants to go to college." Lon clarified.

"Too bad I'm planning to keep all that gold for myself..." Ratcliffe whispered to himself in a devilish tone of voice.

"Well, not me, though," said Smith, as he prepared to proudly head off into the wilderness while armed with a musket. "I'm planning to actually see the New World myself instead of doing boring manual labor. I'll be sure to keep an eye out for any Indians and probably not intend to murder any females."

Pocahontas is watching the scene from behind a tree with Flit and Meeko and notices John Smith walking past them. Pocahontas then decides to follow John Smith as she is fascinated by the man.

"I'm coming along to see how this will turn out." Meeko said to flit as he went after Pocahontas.

O-O-O-O

As Pocahontas and Meeko arrive in the forest, she discovers that John Smith is nowhere to be seen. Just then, a rifle is pointed at her side. "I've got you now!" cried Smith, pointing his weapon at Pocahontas after realizing he was being followed. He then gasps as he sees the native he encountered is a female, whom he wanted to see in the New World. "You're a female Indian. I never thought I'd run into one because all women are always too busy gossiping or doing house chores."

"Well, get a load of me," said Meeko. "I can talk, and I'm a raccoon."

"Oh my god! A talking raccoon! This place has everything!"

"My people don't really let me talk to foreigners or anything, but who are you, and why did you settle our land?" Pocahontas asked.

"Why, we're Englishmen looking for gold here." Smith replied.

"Well, the only gold we have is that kind Meeko leaves whenever he goes." Pocahontas refers to a golden turd embedded with diamonds sitting next to a nearby tree.

"It's my turd. Our land is just jacked with that stuff." Meeko commented.

"Okay, I am now officially disgusted with gold." Smith uttered.

"Well, our land has other things to offer." Pocahontas implies. She then shows Smith a cigarette and a weed plant that she holds in her hands. "Look, it's weed. We use them to smoke cigarettes. You should try it. It's real addictive."

"Wait, you have drugs here?" Smith asked astonishingly.

"Yeah, taking drugs are exhilarating. We learn so much when we take on a trip with it."

"I knew it! You are a savage!" roars Smith as he points his musket at her. "You were trying to drug me!"

"Now hold on a second!" Pocahontas pleaded with him. " _You might think I'm an ignorant savage, and you've been so many places; I guess it must be so,"_ she then sang. _"But still I cannot see, if the savage one is me. How can there be so much that you don't know? You don't know."_

"What? Are you singing?" Smith asks her, curiously.

Pocahontas continues to sing her song to Smith, as she ignores his question. " _You think you own whatever land you land on. The Earth is just a dead thing you can claim. But I know every rock and tree and creature, has a life, has a spirit, has a name."_

Leaves are seen blowing through the air, as the scene now shows Pocahontas and John Smith walking through the forest together, when Smith is suddenly alarmed to see a grizzly bear standing in front of him, inciting him to aim his gun at the animal.

" _You think the only people who are people are the people who look and think like you,"_ sang Pocahontas as she stopped Smith. " _But if you walk the footsteps of a stranger, you'll learn things you never knew. You never knew."_ Smith complies with Pocahontas, drops his weapon, and then embraces the grizzly bear, much to Pocahontas' delight.

The scene's daytime turns to night as John Smith and Pocahontas are staring at the stars shining above them. " _Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon? Or asked the grinning Family guy character why he grinned_?" The stars in the sky forms a constellation that deeply resembles Peter Griffin's face.

" _Can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? Can you paint with all the colors of the wind_?" Pocahontas sang joyfully as she felt the wind blowing against her. " _Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?"_ She then grabs hands with John Smith before they jump off a steep hill with the wind foating them down. The two then run through a series of trees. " _Come run the hidden pine trees of the forest. Come taste the sun sweet berries of the Earth."_ They roll over in a sunflower field, " _Come roll in all the riches all around you. And for once, never wonder what they're worth."_

Pocahontas and John Smith are now seen swimming underwater, " _The rainstorm and the rivers are my brothers. The heron and the otters are my friends."_ They then swim to the surface and lay on a flat circular rock. " _And we are all connected to each other, in a circle, in a hoop that never ends."_

Pocahontas and John Smith are each holding an eagle sitting on their arm. " _How high will the sycamore grow? If you cut it down, then you'll never know."_ Pocahontas sang as the two eagles fly towards the top of a large sycamore tree. She and John Smith are then standing on top of a mountain watching the valley ahead of them. " _And you'll never hear the wolf cry to the blue corn moon, for wheather we are white or copper skinned."_ They leaves are now blowing in the wind again before the two. " _We need to sing the with all the voices of the mountains. We need to paint with all the colors of the wind."_

" _You can claim the Eath, and still all you'll own is Earth until, you can paint with all the colors of the wind."_ As Pocahontas finishes her song, she and John Smith are standing in the same valley where they first met.

"Wow," flabbergasted Smith. "You were right. Taking drugs are exhilarating. And I have already learned so much about your world after taking those wonderful drugs you prescribed to me."

"So now do you believe my and people and I aren't savages?" Pocahontas asked him.

"You better believe it. I can't wait to tell my crew about the wonderful things of your world. I especially can't wait to show them your drugs. They're going to love them."

O-O-O-O

At the shores of the New World, the colonists are already digging the land, in search for gold. All except for Ratcliffe, who is standing around, ordering his men and watching them dig.

"Keep up with the digging, men," said Ratcliffe. "We can't just turn up empty handed in the New World. In fact, I'm planning to use the gold to afford retirement for my voice actor, Patrick Stewart, who's getting sick and tired of being in this crappy show."

"Well, Lon and I sure wish to afford retirment for ourselves, because we're getting sick and tired of digging." Ben snapped.

"Yeah, and all you're doing is bossing us around instead of actually doing the dirty work yourself." Lon concurred.

"Why, I'm your supervisor. I'm suppose to stand by and order you around," stated Ratcliffe.

A trio of blonde hair women in bikinis approaches Ratcliffe. "Excuse me. We're the supermodels you hired to take some pictures in the New World."

"Well if it isn't the sexy ex-girlfriends of Hugh Hefner and the first fine pair of women to ever set foot in America: Holly, Bridget and Kendra. Just the sort of people I wanted to see." said Ratcliffe. "Now, I want you to grab those shovels and make sexy poses while you dig."

"Okay, but just so you know, Hugh Hefner offered to pay us $1000 dollars to bang him, so we better get our share of the gold once we find it," said one of the ladies.

"Now don't you worry your little your pretty little blonde heads," Ratcliffe assured to them. "Once we've uncovered the gold, I'll be the richest man in the New World and then I'll pay all of you just to bang me."

"Great," said one of the supermodels as the three of them smiled. They then grab some shovels out and begin digging.

"Ah, what a great idea bringing supermodels along with the trip. Now we have some quality entertainment while we work. That reminds me:if any of you are in need of a restroom, do feel free to do that on the trees." Ratcliffe announced.

One of the colonists walks up to a local tree and takes a leak on it. Unbeknownst to the colonists, Kocoum and his men are spying on them in the bushes. "Ah, they're sick! Look at how they're desecrating our sacred trees," said Kocoum.

"I don't see what the problem is," said one of his men. "Don't we do that on trees too?"

"Prepare to attack," Kocoum ordered.

"I don't know. I'd rather watch those blonde ladies in those revealing outfits dig," said another native.

Once Ratcliffe spots the native Americans among them, he is suddenly alarmed. "Good lord! Savages! Arm yourselves!"

The colonists frantically run to grab their rifles and then have a shootoff against the native Americans with their bows and arrows. Thomas is running with his rifle until he trips and accidentally shoots a colonist standing next to Ratcliffe. "My god! Watch where you aim your weapon, you twat!"

In the midst of the shootout, one of the natives is shot. Kocoum comes to his aid and carries him on his shoulder, forcing him and his men to retreat. The colonist cheer in their victory.

"Get it together, men!" cried Ratcliffe. "Savages frighten easily, but they'll be back. And in greater numbers. We're going back to camp and finish building the fort." Ratcliffe then turns to Thomas. "And you. Learn to use that thing properly. A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot and hires himself a fine group of supermodels."

"If only Smith was here to teach me how to kill a Indian. That way I might save his life." Thomas said to himself. "Maybe I will save his life from an Indian later on in this story, and then he's going to be so proud of what I did it."


	3. Chapter 3

After a few days of their arrival in the New World, the colonists are nearly finished building their fort around their settlement of Jamestown as John, Thomas, Ben and Lon are setting up the last surrounding wall to barricade it.

"Do you really think the fort can save us from those nasty savages, Ben?" Lon asked him, worriedly.

"I don't know. We're just doing what our lazy-ass boss told us to do." Ben replied.

"Hey, Smith," Thomas said to him, "You're never going to believe this; we just fought off and shot ourselves a pack of Indians who attacked us recently."

"Oh, what's that? Oh, good for you, Thomas. You shot someone." Smith said unmoved while being partly oblivious to Thomas, as he was thinking about his encounter with Pocahontas.

"Yeah, but Thomas couldn't shoot an Indian himself." Lon added, teasing him.

"You know, you've been awfully quiet lately, John," said Thomas, ignoring Lon's insult about him. "Have you been trying to rape an Indian chick?"

"Who? Me? No, no, I was just-uh, walking around in the woods when I came across this fine crew of white sorority girls hanging out by the riverbend, who were busy building their own female university in the New World."

"Wow, really? This land really does have everything!" astonished Thomas.

"You sure bet it does." Smith implied.

"Well, you were just lucky you were the only other person not doing any manual labor than Ratcliffe." Ben fussed. "All he's been doing is bossing us around and sitting in his tent all day, while we do all the real work."

O-O-O-O

Inside Ratcliffe's tent, Ratcliffe is wearing a purple robe over his body and is troubled with himself while checking a map of the New World. "My god! I'm screwed!" he bemoaned. "I haven't found a single speck of gold in this land, and the king will surely have my ass for this."

"Could you come to bed already?" asked one of the three supermodel in bed together. "You promised to pay us with sex since you couldn't find us any gold."

"That's what Hefner did when we worked for him," another one of them said.

"I must surely be overlooking something, but what? Well, if I don't come up with anything soon, I'll meet my end with those false indians." Ratcliffe then remains silent as he realizes something in shock. "Why, those heartless bastards!" fumed Ratcliffe, "They must have the gold and are no doubt keeping it for themselves. Well, not if I can help it; if they want a war, by Jove, I'll give one to them!"

O-O-O-O

Ratcliffe storms outside of his tent and approaches Ben and Lon. "You there, where's Captain Smith?" he asked them.

"He probably left because he was sick of you bossing our asses off." Ben scolded him.

"Well, go get him then." Ratcliffe ordered. "Now if you may excuse me, I have to go back to my tent and pay back Bridget, Holly and Kendra with sex." He then left.

Ben sighs to himself. "I sometimes can't believe what he does with his free time," he said to Lon.

O-O-O-O

In a cornfield, Pocahontas and Nakoma are gathering corn when Chief Powhattan appears.

"Hello, dad. Have you and Kocoum finally decided when I'm going to get married?" Pocahontas asked him in a scornful manner.

"No, I'm here to tell you to not go far from the village." The Chief replied. "Our fellow warriors are coming, and I don't want you near the battle with those white terrorists. It's going to be very violent, and there's going to be blood everywhere." Chief Powhattan then turns around and leaves.

"Okay, what are you hiding?" Nakoma asked Pocahontas.

"Whatever do you mean?"

"You didn't seem too happy with your father when he talked to you like that. Something has to be bothering you."

"Oh, so now someone cares how I feel," chided Pocahontas. "My father has been bossing me around and forcing me to marry Kocoum, and I don't even like the guy. And now he's bossing me even more by ordering not to leave the village and meet with those new white men."

"I don't see what the problem is with Kocoum. He seems rather brave to go up against those terrorists."

"But what if they're not terrorists who are here to take our land away? What if they were friendly?"

"How would you know about them? Did you meet with one recently?"

Suddenly, John Smith appears from the rows of cornstalk. "Hey, Pocahontas. It's me, John Smith, the white man you met recently." He whispered.

"Oh my god! You have met one of them!" cried Nakoma.

"Okay, so I did. But please don't tell anyone about this." Pocahontas begged Nakoma. "You know my father wouldn't allow it."

Nakoma remains silent as she glowers at Pocahontas. She then sighs. "Fine. But I'm not going to back you up if you're with another white man."

"Oh, thank you, Nakoma," Pocahontas cheered, "Come on, Smith!" She and John Smith then rush out of the cornfield.

Kocoum soon appears. "Nakoma, have you seen Pocahontas?" he asked her, "The chief said I can rape her before I go into battle with those white terrorists."

"No I haven't seen her," Nakoma said frantically. "And I especially haven't seen her around any of those white terrorists, a second ago."

"Well, let me know if you do see her. Oh, and if she is with a white man, I'm going to kill him right in front of her in case she's cheating on me." Kocoum then leaves.

O-O-O-O

Pocahontas and John Smith are at Grandmother Willow's pond near her tree, where Smith is laying down with Pocahontas rubbing her arms around him.

"Ah, this place is great," said Smith. "I feel like Snow White, surrounding myself in nature. Though, I still can't believe the only reason we came to this place is to dig for gold."

"Really?" said Pocahontas. "Does this mean you and your kind will return to your country?"

"Eh, I didn't have much of a life in England," Smith replied. "I don't even know what my character was famous for."

"Then maybe you can stay and start a new life here."

"Hmm...I don't know."

"Pocahontas, how dare you go near a white man," sneered a voice.

Pocahontas and John Smith look up at the tree and sees Grandmother Willow before them.

"Busted," remarked Meeko.

"Grandmother Willow, I can explain,"

"Your grandmother's a tree?" Smith asked as he was surprised by Grandmother Willow.

"I never liked it when your father always forced your mother to go out with him, but never did I think you would go near a white man." Grandmother Willow ranted at Pocahontas.

"Nobody cares about what I want or, and you're starting to turn out just like my father, since he doesn't let me go with the man that I pick or even chose my own path, and all you could ever do for my mother was tell her to commit suicide."

"I'm just trying to warn you about the dangers from the outside world. That man is probably carrying small pox or HIV, which our kind will stand no chance in surviving."

"I made peace with this man, and I think my people should co-exist with his kind and not try to wage war on other."

Suddenly, Ben and Lon appear in Grandmother Willow's swamp with riffles in their hands, as they were ordered by Ratcliffe to search for John Smith.

"Ben, I'm scared," said Lon. "What if the indians show up and attack us again?"

"Now, Lon, I'm sure Smith is fine. He probably killed a few Indians while on his way here. That's how most settlers are like when they come across indians."

"Okay. I just hope the Indians aren't rapists who like to whip people on the ass."

Grandmother Willow moves her twine-like arms and swings them at Ben and Lon's rears, causing both men to shriek in pain.

"Oh, my god! They are rapists!" cried Lon.

"Let's get the hell out of here!" cried Ben. Both men then ran away.

"Did you see that, Pocahontas?" said Grandmother Willow. "His people are nothing more than gay cowards after seeing those two men together like that."

"Come on, Grandmother Willow. Now this might be a good chance to learn about these outsiders and their various ways."

"Heh, good luck with that." Flit said.

"You know what?" said John Smith. "I think I'll just leave. I don't want to get involved in whatever you locals do when you get high on drugs and start talking to trees." John Smith then leaves the pond.

O-O-O-O

Once Smith returns to the settlement, Ratcliffe is standing before him, anxiously waiting for him along with the rest of the colonists.

"Thank god you're okay, Smith." Lon said. "Ben and I have been looking everywhere for you."

"No you haven't. You two went into the wilderness for twenty minutes and came back, thinking some Indians tried to rape you." Ratcliffe mocked them.

"I'm really starting to hate him." Ben muttered.

"Smith, where the devil have you been?" Ratcliffe asked him.

"Oh, uh, I was just out there, making sure if there were any white Americans." Smith replied.

"Did you find any?"

"Nope, turns out they don't exist yet."

"Well, in any case, I want you and the men to be ready for this battle we're having against the Indians." Ratcliffe proclaimed.

"Are you insane? I just so happen to have met a female and she was the friendliest Indian I ever met."

"Ah-ha! So you did bang a native chick." Thomas scolded. "I just checked the riverbend and I didn't find any sorority girls at all!"

"I didn't really bang her, although I really wanted to, and I'm pretty sure she had the same feeling... Look, the point is we don't have to fight them. They just never had any experience with foreign people like us. I'm sure if we talk to them like I have, we could coexist with each other perfectly." Smith then holds up a plastic bag of weed and gladly presents it to the colonists. "And look, it's weed. The Indians smoke it as much as we do, so that's one thing we have in common with them."

Ratcliffe snatches the bag of weed from Smith. "Can't you see, men? The indians must've drugged Smith so that they can hide the gold from us."

"Sir, I strongly recommend you stop this course of action. These people have been here longer than we have and know the New World better from the back of their hands. Maybe they can help us."

"Forget it, Smith. I intend to make the New World my world and I will not be denied or ordered by some mere lackey. In fact, those who so much look at an indian without killing him on sight will be tried for treason and hanged!" Ratcliffe addressed to his men.

"Dang!" muttered one of the colonists.

Ratcliffe then looks at the bag of weed he is holding in his hand. "I-uh-I'll dispose of this weed," he said as he walked away with it.

O-O-O-O

At Pocahontas' village, a tribe of indian warriors dressed as rappers in t-shirts, baggy pants, sunglasses and backward baseball hats arrive there on boat, where Chief Powhattan warmly welcomes the chief leader of the clan.

Pocahontas returns to her village and notices the arrival of the foreign clan. Kocoum soon approaches Pocahontas. "There you are, Pocahontas. The warriors from the west coast side have agreed to settle their differences with us easterners and help us kill those white heartless bastards."

"Yo, what up, Chief Powhattan?" greeted the warrior chief. "Mind if me and posse crash in your crib?"

"Sure," replied Chief Powhattan. "As long as you agree to help us rid of those white terrorist, we'll no longer kill each like we always have.."

"Father, I need to speak with you," said Pocahontas.

"Ah, great. It's my daughter I told you about." Chief Powhattan moaned to his companions.

"I've been thinking about these outsiders and considered we might not have to fight them. Maybe we can reason with them."

"Talking to a white man? And I thought your mother was crazy when I saw her talking to a tree that one time before she died.

"I'm serious."

"Yeah, right. Tell you what: if you reason with a white man and bring him to me, I might consider calling this whole thing off." Chief Powhattan and the native warriors then leave to begin preparations for their battle

O-O-O-O

Later at night, John Smith leaves his tent and sneaks out of the fort. Thomas notices him run off and is bewildered by his sudden departure.

"Thomas," Ratcliffe said to him. "I want you to follow Smith and find out where he always runs off to. And if you happen to see any indian," he gives Thomas a rifle, "Shoot them. You almost shot me that one time and I did not apperciate it. So now I want you to prove your worth to me by following Smith."

"I don't know," Thomas hesitated.

"If you do it, I'll promise to bring you a crew of fine, young sorority girls to the New World."

"Deal." Thomas said before he headed into the wilderness.

O-O-O-O

At Grandmother Willow's pond, Kocoum is hiding in the bushes after he followed Pocahontas. "So she thinks she can hide from me while I try to rape her, eh?"

Pocahontas and John Smith then come running towards each other with urgent news.

"Smith, I have something very important to tell you," said Pocahontas.

"So do I," said Smith. "My people are planning to go to war with yours."

"Mine are to."

"Eh, I knew something would turn up, sooner or later." Meeko said to Flit.

"I told you he and his kind were no good," said Grandmother Willow. "We were never meant to coexist with them in the first place."

"Do you think we should just-?" Smith asked.

"Ignore her." Pocahontas replied.

"Pocahontas, we've got to do something."

"Just talking to our own kind won't do us any good. You need to speak with my father. That's the only way to stop this."

"Okay, but if talking to him won't work either, we'll need to kiss each other for good measure. Let's say we practice that."

Pocahontas and John Smith instantly kiss each other. Soon afterward, Thomas arrives at the pond and pauses at the sight with his eyes and mouth wide open. Flit and Meeko shared the same expression as they watch, along with Kocoum. However, Kocoum soon becomes outraged as he lets out a battle cry and runs towards Smith. He then tackles Smith and grabs a knife, much to Pocahontas' horror.

"Kocoum, stop it!" she cried.

"How dare you make out with my wife!" Kocoum roared at Smith.

"I'm sorry! I didn't your wife was cheating on you!"

Thomas, standing from a distance at the pond, aims his weapon at Kocoum and fires it. Kocoum sees blood coming from his chest before collapsing to his death. Pocahontas gasps.

"Look, Smith! I killed my first indian and saved your life!" Thomas cheered.

"What were you thinking?!" Smith yelled at him. "I was going to make peace with the Indians until you shot one of their kind!"

They then hear the cry of the natives arriving at the scene, as they were alerted by the sound of Thomas' firing. Thomas makes a run for it while leaving Smith behind. Once the army of natives arrives, a native man runs up to Smith and hits him in the crotch with a stone hammer, causing great pain to Smith. Two more natives then grab him by the arms and take him away. Another native man then picks up Kocoum's body and walks away with it.

O-O-O-O

At the outskirts of the Powhattan village, Chief Powhattan along with Nakoma and the other Powhattans were shocked to see Kocoum brought dead before them.

"Who did this?" demanded Chief Powhattan.

"Pocahontas was with this white man who killed him," said one of the two native men bringing John Smith to their chief.

"Father, I-" Pocahontas said as she tries to plead with her father.

"I should've known nothing good ever comes from you," insulted Chief Powhattan. "This is why I wanted a son. And as for you," he then said to Smith. "You're going to be the first white man to ever die on American soil, and after we kill you, we're going to kill the rest of your kind and make sure no outsider settles here again. Now, if you may excuse me, my men and I need to get ready for the big event tomorrow by drawing funny paintings over our faces."

As all of the natives return to their village with Smith as their prisoner, Pocahontas is left by herself.

"Oh my god. Smith is going to die and it's all my fault." She said to herself. She then remains silent. "I don't feel sorry about Kocoum, though. He was a real douche and a complete pervert."


	4. Chapter 4

"Help! Help!" cried Thomas as he came running into the fort, alerting the other colonists.

"What's wrong, Thomas?" asked Ben.

"It's Smith! He's been captured!"

"Captured?" asked another colonist as more of them arrived at the scene. Soon, all of the colonist gather around and listen to Thomas. Ratcliffe smiles deviously as he now gains the colonist's support in favor against the indians.

"See? I told you this place wasn't safe!" a female tourist said to her husband.

"No you didn't!" her husband snapped back at her. "You just tell me I don't do anything!"

"Oh my god!" exclaimed Lon. "The savages already caught Smith! What if they come after us next?"

"Well, I'm certainly not going to let that happen," said Ratcliffe as he now announced himself before the colonists. "I'm just glad none of you actually went near a savage. Smith has made a mistake for trying to befriend them, but we'll soon rid the New World of those naked tanned menaces." The colonists then shout in agreement with Ratcliffe. " _What can you expect, from filthy little heathens? Here's what you get when the races are diverse. Their skins are hellish red. They're only good when dead. They're vermin as I said. And worse..."_

 _"They're savages! Savages!"_ sang the colonists as they arm themselves with AK-47s.

" _Barely even human!"_ sang Ratcliffe.

" _Savages! Savages!"_

 _"They're not like you and me, which means they must be evil. We must sound the drums of war!"_ A row of colonists are rapidly playing drum sets during Ratcliffe's verse.

 _"Savages, savages! Dirty shrieking devils! Now we sound the drums of war!"_

Meanwhile at the Powhattan village, the natives are also preparing for war with the colonists as they decorate their bodies with war paint.

 _"This is what we feared,"_ sang Chief Powhattan. " _The pail face is a demon. The only thing they feel at all is greed."_

 _"Beneath that milky hide,"_ sang Kekata as he is drawing paint over two native warrior's faces. " _There's emptiness inside."_

 _"I wonder if they even bleed!"_ the two native men sang as they turn around and reveal funny paintings of animals on their faces. The native on the right had the drawing of a cat's face and the one of the left had the drawing of a butterfly.

 _"They're savages! Savages! Barely even human! Savages! Savages!"_

 _"They're different from us, which means they can't be trusted,"_ Kekata sang as he painted his hand on a native's chest.

" _We must sound the drums of war!"_ sang the chief as he held up a club.

" _Savages! Savages! First we deal with this one,"_ the warriors sang as they reffered to John Smith, who was tied up inside a tipi. " _Then we sound the drums of war."_

 _"_ _Savages! Savages!"_ sang the colonists

 _"Let's go get them, men!"_ cried Ben.

" _Savages! Savages!"_ sang the native warriors.

" _Now it's up to you men!"_ sang Ratcliffe.

 _ **Savages!** " _sang the natives.

 _ **S**_ _ **avages!** " _sang the colonists.

" _Barely even human,"_ they then all sang together. " _Now we sound the **DRUMS**... **OF**... **WAR!"**_

O-O-O-O

At Grandmother Willow's pond, Pocahontas is troubled again, this time for now endangering the life of John Smith. "Grandmother Willow, what should I do?" she asked. "They're about to go to war soon and I now feel responsible for starting it."

"I just hope your father gets killed in battle," said Grandmother Willow. "He never had any respect for women."

"Hey, Pocahontas. I took this from Smith and thought I should give to you as something to remember him by." Meeko said as he gave Pocahontas a compass.

"What is it?" Pocahontas asked him.

"It's a compass, dumbass." Meeko snarled. "White people use it as a GPS."

"I'm a stranger to their ways, Meeko." Pocahontas then looks at the compass. "Strange. The arrow inside this compass seems to be pointing in some direction." Pocahontas then pauses as she realizes something. "Wait. Don't you see? The compass is showing me my path, the one thing I've been trying to find out this entire time. I now know what to do, and it's to save my man. My white man, Smith."

Grandmother Willow sighs in reluctance. "If you love that much, go to him. But I still don't like him because he's a white man."

O-O-O-O

John Ratcliffe is seen marching among the sunrise over the horizon. _"This will be the day!"_ he cried as he drew out his sword while leading his men behind him. "Let's go, men!"

Chief Powhattan is watching the sun rise before him. " _This will be the morning._ Bring out the prisoner!" Two native men appear with John Smith from inside a tipi, grabbing each of his arms as they drag him away for his execution.

" _We will see him dying in the dust."_ The native men sang.

" _I don't know what I can do,"_ sang Pocahontas as she ran on top of a mountain along with Flit, Meeko, and a few other forest animals following her, making her way to save Smith and stop the ensuing conflict. " _Still, I know I've got to try." "_

 _Now we make them pay,"_ sang the colonists still marching their way towards battle.

 _"_ _Eagle, help my feet to fly,"_ sang Pocahontas running through a clearing field with her shadow forming as a giant eagle.

 _"Now without a warning,"_ sang the natives still carrying Smith and preparing to execute him.

 _"_ _Mountain, help my heart be great,"_ sang Pocahontas as she ran down a mountain landslope with a giant wind spirit of an eagle flying above her.

 _"_ _Now we leave them them blood and bone and rust,"_ sang both the colonists and natives.

 _"_ _Spirit of the earth and sky..."_ sang Pocahontas.

 _"_ _It's them or us."_ sang the natives and colonists.

 _"_ _Please don't let it be too late..."_

 _"_ _They're just a bunch of filthy stinking-"_

" _Savages!"_ roared the natives.

" _Savages!"_ roared the colonists.

" _ **Demons** " _the natives called the colonists by their outburst.

" _ **Devils!** " _the colonists called the natives by their outburst.

" _ **Kill them!** " _roared Ratcliffe.

" _ **SAVAGES! SAVAGES!** " _

" _ **What are we waiting for?!** " _sang Ratcliffe while the natives and Smith are walking past a giant waterfall that displays a moving image of Ratcliffe and the colonists, enraged. " _Destroy their evil race, until there's not a trace left."_

Pocahontas is now running through a forest. " _How loud..."_

 _"_ _We will sound the drums of war,"_ sang the colonists as they also make their way through a forest of tall trees.

" _Are the..."_

 _"_ _Now we sound the drums of war,"_ sang the natives as they place John Smith near the top edge of a cliff.

 _"Drums of war..."_

 _"Now we see what comes, when trying to be chums,"_ sang the natives as one of them gives Chief Powhattan a club.

The colonists soon make their way outside of the forest, where they come to an immediate halt in shock, as they see Smith about to be executed by the natives before their very eyes.

 _"Is the death of all I love, carried in the drumming of..."_ Pocahontas sang as she ran past the warriors and up the cliff to where her father had already raised his club over his head and was about to kill Smith with it.

" _ **WAR!** " _The song then ends.

Pocahontas leaps over Smith's body and shields him from Chief Powhattan's wrath. "No!" she cried.

"Ah yeah. This is what it should be like when we're having sex together," cooed Smith as Pocahontas was sexually humping over him.

"If you kill him, you'll have to kill me too," Pocahontas said to her father.

"Mmm... fine," said Chief Powhattan, unperturbed. He then raises his club above his head again, as he now prepares to kill Pocahontas as well, frightening her.

"Wait," one of the native warriors stopped him. "That seems kind of harsh to kill your daughter. Don't you think you should hear her out first?"

Chief Powhattan sighs in reluctance. "Fine."

"Father, I love this man and I can't be with him since neither of our kind can reason with each other. Now I chose my path. Will you continue down this path of war and hatred towards each other?"

Chief Powhattan looks to his left to see the colonists aim their AK-47 guns at them. He then looks to his right to see his fellow warriors also armed with AK-47 weapons aimed at the colonists. Chief Powhattan closes his eyes as he feels the wind blow around him. He soons opens them, now that he has a moment of clarity. "My god. How could I have been so blind? All I ever wanted was for Pocahontas to be together with a perverted member of her kind who she didn't even have feelings for. I never even gave her mother a choice when I forced her to marry me. But now, if Pocahontas wants to be with this sort of white foreigner, then he's okay by me. Let him go."

A native man cuts Smith's ropes with a knife, and Smith then embraces Pocahontas. The warriors also lowered their weapons now that they see Smith and Pocahontas rekindle in their relationship.

"I'm sorry, sweetie." Chief Powhattan apologized to Pocahontas. "We should've listened to you and not have been so afraid of a white man."

Ratcliffe, however, still proceeds with his plan to wage war against the natives. "This is our chance, men. Prepare to fire!" he ordered as he pointed his sword at the natives standing on top of the cliff.

"No," Thomas defied him.

"What do you mean no?"

"I just don't see any good reason why we should attack them now since they let him go." Thomas replied.

"Yeah, and we're now sick of taking orders from you." Ben scolded as he and Lon stood next to Thomas.

"Fine, then," said Ratcliffe as he now weilds a rifle. "I'll shoot myself."

Ratcliffe aims his weapon at Chief Powhattan. As Smith notices this, he leaps in front of Chief Powhattan and is shot. Pocahontas gasps at Smith as she ran towards his aid.

The colonists are also horrified as well. "You shot him!" cried Thomas.

"You bastard!" cried Lon.

"Let's get him before he kills one of us again!" cried Ben.

The colonists turn on Ratcliffe as they surround him. "Unhand me, you pillocks! I am your boss!" Ratcliffe cried as two colonists grabbed hold of his arms.

"We've had just enough of you!" Thomas said as he took Racliffe's gun away from him. As the colonists then take Ratcliffe away, Thomas turns around and rushes to Smith's aid on top of the cliff, where Pocahontas gives him solace along with her father for his sacrifice.

O-O-O-O

Later, the colonists are at the shores, where some of them prepare to voyage back to England for John Smith to be healed of his injury and for Ratcliffe to answer for his crimes.

Ratcliffe is handcuffed as two colonists take him to a boat and row away on it. Holly, Kendra and Bridget are standing by and watching Ratcliffe departing from the New World.

"So much for getting laid," said Kendra. "Well, girls, what do you want to do now?"

A trio of native men approaches the ladies. "Why don't you come with us?" one of the said.

"Okay," said Holly as the three ladies gladly went with the native men.

John Smith is laying on medical stretcher with a bandage around his torso.

"Well, Smith. I guess this is it." Thomas said to him as the colonists prepare to take him to the ship.

"Wait," said Smith. "I want to see Pocahontas first."

Pocahontas arrives before the settlers with several native men and women who place baskets of plastic bags stuffed with weed as peace offering to the colonists.

"Aw, yeah," said one of the colonists who picks up a bag. "Weed." He then takes a big whiff from it and breathes out before he suddenly collapses on the ground, presumably dead from inhaling.

Pocahontas approaches Smith along with Chief Powhattan, Flit and Meeko. "How are you holding up?" she asked him.

"Pfft, puh-lease. I've had worse pain than this." Smith replied. "This just makes me feel like I have a boner."

"After the way you took a bullet for me, you and your kind are hereby welcome here. Kocoum was a brave warrior, but he has never done something like that before." Chief Powhattan announced.

"Why don't you come with me?" Smith suggested to Pocahontas.

Pocahontas turns to father, wondering if he will actually allow it. "For once, I'm letting you make a decision," said Chief Powhattan.

Pocahontas stares at both the colonists and her native people who are standing apart from each other. She then makes her decision. "I'm needed here."

"I understand," said Smith. "Even though your kind tried to kill me, I think they're the most fascinating people I ever met. And when I come back and we're together, we'll give birth to our first white baby ever born in this magnificent country of yours. Maybe one day we'll even discover Atlantis together."

"Then I'll be waiting for you."

Pocahontas and Smith share one more kiss as a way of saying goodbye to each other. Ben and Lon then lift Smith away and carry him on a rowboat heading to the voyage ship.

Pocahontas along with her fellow people and some of the colonists who remained in the New World stood by and watch as the ship sails away before them. Pocahontas then makes a run across the forest with the departing ship still in her sight and soon reaches the end of a cliff. John Smith opens his eyes from resting and then smiles as he sees Pocahontas one last time from the ship with Flit and Meeko walking up beside her with warm smiles on their faces.

"Do you still think they're going to take our land away?" Flit asked Meeko.

"Oh yeah, definitely." Meeko replied.

O-O-O-O

The scene cuts back to Stan, about to finish telling the story to Steve.

"John Smith soon recovered and true to his word his word, made it back to the New World and got together with Pocahontas. They then had their first white baby born in America and were the first to ever discover the lost city of Atlantis together. The end." Stan said, as he was pleased with telling his story, unlike his son, who was infuriated by it, seeing how it was only make believe. "Well, did that you help out at all, son?"

"What the hell are you talking about?!" yelled Steve at the top of his lungs. "None of that ever happened!"

"It didn't?" Stan asked.

"No! Pocahontas was like ten-years old when she met John Smith! And John Smith never discovered Atlantis! You made that part up!"

"Plus, Disney's Pocahontas sucked!" scolded Roger as he walked by Steve's room.

"I'll just get an F for passing off my report like that!" Steve complained.

"Now, Steve. I'm sure you'll get a much better grade than an F," Stan assured him. "You might get a D instead." Stan then walks out of Steve's room with a smile on his face while Steve just scowls at him.


	5. End Credits

End Credits

Written by R98765

Cast:

Francine Smith-Pocahontas

Stan Smith-John Smith

Steve Smith-Thomas

Avery Bullock-John Ratcliffe

Mama Ling-Grandmother Willow

Haley Smith-Nakoma

Roger the Alien-Meeko the Raccoon

Klaus-Flit the Hummingbird

Rusty Smith-Kocoum

Jack Smith-Chief Powhattan

Father Donovan-Kekata

Terry Bates-Lon

Greg Corbin-Ben

Soundtrack from Pocahontas:

Colors of the Wind

Savages


End file.
